Verna, I want to apologise to you and your kind, I feel I’ve done you something of a disservice. Each time we’ve spoken I’m now aware that I’ve put too much of my child fantasy on you. I’ve wanted to relate to the nature spirits as cute little people from the fairy stories of my childhood, and other ones I’ve picked up along the way. So unconsciously I’ve tried to fit you into this picture, writing with it overshadowing and no doubt wrongly influencing me and your being able to communicate with me. I know, as you’ve told me, you are specialists and experts in mimicking us humans, so I imagine you’ve done that flattering me, pandering to my childish need. So I want to ask you if we could in a way start again, and I’ll try to not see you in the light of cute little baby gum-nut people, fairies, pixies and elves, things appealing only to children and people wanting to escape into their childhood fantasies, such as I have.
Certainly James, I’d be delighted to write with you again, and from this new perspective of yours.
Thank you. I feel like I want to grow up and relate to you however you are, that which I want to find out, rather than imposing my ignorant understanding on you. I want to write this way, conversationally, and I’ll be doing it concurrently with my diary with Mary (Magdalene).
Whatever you like James. I’m always here, and always with you.
Great. However, having started, I’m sorry, as I’m now going to put you on hold and go back to Mary, I just had to get that off my chest. I hope I’m not putting you out and messing you around, but I’m trying to respond to just my feelings.
Not at all, I understand. You do as you please. Don’t worry about me, I’m more than happy to fit in with you, and of course I understand that we’re only a part of your life, and a small part at that. So any time you want to cut me off, even in mid-sentence, that’s fine with me, your feelings and your need to express them are far more important that you worrying about hurting my sensibilities and you needing to have good manners. And it wouldn’t be right if you wanted to deny Marion (or Mary for that matter) and your relationship with her by preferring to speak with me, someone you can’t even see, let alone not even knowing if I actually exist. No my dear boy, you do what you suits you and I’ll go along with you. Anyway, it’s more fun that way.
Okay, I’ll go now and come back later.
Whatever you like, the Lady of the Lake shall be waiting.
Right Verna, I’m back, so let’s begin.
All right James, what would you like to begin with?
Well, first I want to speak more about how I did feel about you nature spirits, and to start from the beginning and see what happens.
So first of all, you Verna are a nature spirit, right?
Right, I am, pure bred. Not that there are any of us that aren’t pure bred. Not that we’re bred at all.
Okay, and you’re carrying on like this, pretending to be cute ‘little people’, is for my benefit, because of how I see you, as friends of children, little fairy people who hold little garden tea parties and dances in the secret and hidden wild flower groves deep in forest glades.
Partly, let me explain.
We do have much fun and happiness in our personalities, and we love to tease you humans because you take yourselves too seriously. And as I’ve told you before, we love to mimic you, pretending we’re a man or woman. And we love to play with your minds ideas and beliefs about us, we’ll ham it up, go along with it, manifest ourselves to you however you want us to. We can be dragons and monsters, we can be water-horses and dragonflies, we can be gum-nut babies, we can be little fairies, elves, devas... whatever your imagination wants us to be; and more, because we can even present ourselves to you being things you’d never dream of, such as aliens from other worlds, deformed creatures, mutants, horrible scary things, or the opposite: lovely radiant angels, and so on, anything you like, and anything we like.
Okay, so you can easily play with my childish imaginings of you, and with my longings for cute invisible little friends.
Yes, and because that’s all part of your negative state, so we go along with you in it, not doing anything to make you think otherwise. But once you start to do your feeling-healing, then we go along with that, with the idea to help you reach the point at which you’re now at, realising that your ideas and beliefs about us are based more on delusional fantasy than any true reality.
Well at this point in my healing I want to try and let go of seeing you only in the light of these cute little people of light, I want to grow up in my belief of you and interaction - communication, with you.
Which is fine by me, so I too will ‘grow up’ to match your growing up.
Is it always to be like a game?
Only if you want it to be.
Well no I don’t anymore, but I did, yes, I admit that, you were something of light relief in my imagination, an escape from my bad feeling yuk life.
Yes, but as you no longer require that, then I’ll put the Lady of the Lake into retirement, she no longer being needed.
If you wouldn’t mind Verna.
Not at all James, it was fun whilst you needed it.
Yes, I did enjoy it, and a part of me still would like you to carry on with it, but no, I want to get on being serious about it now, facing more of the horrible truth that we are fucked and it’s not going to change, and that I am in it and don’t want to get out of it by pretending other fun fairy worlds exist that I might one day escape into.
What about the writing we’ve done together, what are you going to do with that, now you’re seeing us in our true light?
I’m going to leave it as it is. I still like it, but it will be only a reflection of how I was. Do you mind?
Oh god no, I don’t care what you do with it, that’s not up to me, that’s all up to you. It’s yours, and I’ve communicated in good faith with you knowing what will happen, so you do whatever you like.
Okay, thanks Verna.
And is Verna your real name?
It is, I haven’t made that up for you.
Okay Just Verna -
Ah! But if I’m not allowed to carry on, then neither are you.
Yeah okay, fair enough, sorry about that. Okay, but with second thoughts, let’s leave it open for us to be how we want to be, to carry on if we feel we want to. I might need to bring more of it out of me to help me understand it more.
Fine by me. I’ll just be my usual convivial self then.
Okay, good, now we’ve got that sorted out, where to next... I don’t have a where to next, I intend to talk to you about whatever comes up, and I’d like you to feel you can do the same.
Right, I will. All to help you with your feeling-healing and acceptance of yourself.
Yes, thank you. I don’t suppose you need any help, and if there’s anything I can do for you?
Oh, nothing much... except you could buy me a new outfit, forest-green and deep rich lavender are my colours, one befitting of my status. The one I usually wear is getting a bit long in the tooth, you know - a bit tattered looking from all my galavanting around having to come and speak with you and always having to look my royal best. But seriously James, I get helped by helping you, and my help that I need is nothing more than you providing me with these experiences.
Okay, sorry about the dress, I’ll keep my eye out at the op shops, but as to something befitting a real Lady, well, don’t get your hopes up.
No I won’t, I can assure you of that.
Yeah Verna, fuck it, it’s better if we carry on together if that’s how we feel, it’s more fun anyway.
I agree, and you’ve got to have a few laughs in your dreary life, and I’m more than happy to provide them for you.
Good, now that’s settled...